Train Disdain

My grandma likes to take the train. It gets in late, I go with my mom. We were early for the first time ever and decided to get some McDonalds because I knew deep in the core of my soul that on my drink would be the last piece I need to win $1,000,000.

I didn't win.

Keep in mind, its late at night, people are tired, people are hungry and people are just annoyed.

I sit two tables away from a guy who has his hood up and head down and is either sleeping or praying. He has a nice backpack and garment bag under the table at his feet. He doesn't have any traces of food, but he doesn't look like he's hungry. I can't explain it, but I just knew nothing was wrong with this guy. I just knew it.

Then an Indian guy sits between us. He opens his laptop, then he takes a bite of a cheeseburger, and puts it down and looks at the sleeping man.

This is where it gets weird.........

He gets up out of his chair and goes over to the sleeping guy, knocks on the table and pats the guys head. The sleeping guy jolts awake and is obviously totally freaked out. He has no idea whats going on. The conversation I heard went like this.......

 "Are you hungry?"
-Huh? What the f$&*. ( I mean a stranger is talking to you in the train station and you were asleep)
"Don't swear at me, I asked you a question.
-What?
"ARE YOU HUNGRY?"
-Huh?
"I'm asking if you're hungry. I have this cheeseburger that I'm not going to eat because I'm a vegetarian. ( He has already taken a bite out of it, and swallowed)
-What? I'm good. You woke me up to give me a cheeseburger?

And I don't know what I think about the following statement, but for some reason I wasn't overwhelmed with gratitude or appreciation.

"Well you don't have to be rude, but I figured I could do something nice for a black person. I mean, some Mexican shoots a black kid and that black kid probably had it coming wearing his hood like that. Not all people like to shoot blacks."

HE WOKE THE GUY UP!!!!!

I don't know I feel about it because it just makes me uneasy. What did that accomplish? The guy tried to do something nice and so he gave the man something he already had taken a bite of. The guy was sleeping. He was not asking for money, he was not causing any disturbance.

Is this what the world is going to be like? That makes me so sad. Something is wrong with the country we live in. We go out of our way to make sure people know we're innocent. I am totally aware of the fact that Trayvon Martin's case just got settled. I don't like it. I think the reason I got so upset was because it seemed like the guy was saying, "I've done my part and I'm a good person because I'm nice to black people with their hoods up".

Sorry Mr. Cheeseburger, but its not over.
It's not over till its over and it's not over. Until kids feel safe in their schools, its not over. Until boys who like boys aren't disowned by their parents because of who they like. Until girls who like girls don't get called horrid names, it's not over.  It is everybody's problem. If you breathe, its your job to watch out for people.  It is NOT your job to tell people what a good person you are. People will be able to tell. Just let it be. And for goodness sake, don't wake up people who are sleeping.

Am I the only one who feels this way? Agree or Disagree? Let me know in the comments below!

 

Humpday Yumday #1--Cookies

One of my favorite cousins, Katie, had a food blog. It caused me great grief because I was in college and couldn't cook as much as I wanted to. She's now a busy cardiology nurse and doesn't blog as much anymore, but I still love her.

They say you imitate the people you love....hmmm.

I could find an AED and "help" people or I could post one of my favorite recipes.

I choose option #2.

I chose option #2 because I wanted to bake cookies.

I chose option #2 because I just did.


Neiman Marcus Cookies or The Best Cookies Ever or Dump Cookies or Piles of Happiness

What You Put In:
1 cup butter
2 cups flour
1t. baking soda
1 cup white sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2.5 cups ground oatmeal (put oats in a blender)
16 oz. chocolate chips ( I use mini chips)
1/2 t. salt
2 eggs
1t. baking powder
1 1/2 cup chopped nuts. ( I use pecans)
1 t. vanilla

What You Do:
1. Cream the butter and both sugars.
2. Add eggs and vanilla. Mix it!
3. Add flour, oatmeal, salt, baking powder and baking soda.
4. Mix it again.
5. Stir in chocolate chips and nuts.
6. Place little balls on cookie sheet
7. Bake at 375 for about 10 minutes.

This makes a lot of cookies.


***I don't know why they're called Neiman Marcus cookies.... but this joke story cracks me up!
http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/fooddrink/a/cookie_recipe.htm

A New Series: Crazy Beautiful Life

I like the idea of a series. It keeps people organized. I also am trying to fully appreciate things more and be content with what I have (partly because its a good idea and partly because I'm broke). I follow a few motivational blogs and they continue to inspire me on a daily basis. Even when my life feels like a total mess, I have it better than someone else.

This is not a matter of, "I have it better than you." It's a matter of, "Wow, I have it good. Praise Be."

I should be thankful.

I should be light.

I should find joy.

I should find peace.

I should seek authenticity.

I should seek the Lord.

I should hope for my future.

I should hope for those who suffer.

I should do more good stuff.

I should do life better.

I should pray more.

I should pray ernestly.

I should love wider.

I should love deeper.

I should just be.

I should just be me.

Which =

It's a new season. It's a new day. It's a new blog, but not really.

This blog will be me attempting to do those things.


Side Note:  People always ask me what my favorite Bible verse is.... I don't have a favorite Bible verse. I wish I did. Can I just be a brown nosed Sunday School kid and say the whole entire Bible is my favorite verse? No? Well today, right now.... this one is my favorite...

Monday Photo Fun Day #1

After looking back at some things, I realized that I never posted a Day 12. I wrote one, but now that I broke up with myself, it doesn't matter anymore. Shame.

I found this shirt on sale at Old Navy a while back and it spoke to me; like all great clothing does. But, I never took an awkward duck lips bathroom photo of me in it--so it never got posted; until my Aunt Linnea snapped this at our family reunion.

It was early and I lost my glasses....sorry for the weird eyes.

If and when a guy puts a ring on it, he will check the box and Aunt Linnea will take a new picture.

Unlucky 13: The Breakup

It's not you, it's me.

I just need to focus on me right now.

We just don't want the same things.

I need to focus on my faith.

I've fallen out of love with you.

You're too good for me.

Maybe we're not for each other right now, but later.

I hope we'll still be friends.

You're amazing.

I will always love you, even if we're not together.

I had so much fun, but I need to be more serious about things.

The Lord has a plan for you and I'm not in the equation.

Leave me alone.

Weee-eeee are never ever ever getting back together.

When you see my face, hope it gives you hell.

Club can't even handle me right now.

Did I miss any?


It's a sad thing, usually. Breakups really stink. I'm breaking up with myself. It's just really hard to blog about how many fun things I do, I'm not dating someone, but I'd still rather talk about something else.

Relationships take work. I mean, planning dates is hard work. My life is relatively boring. Inserting spice and romance into my life with myself was kind of a nightmare. I am terrible at taking self-portraits. I'd rather sit at home and watch The Office and cook things.

I tried real hard and this is what happened.

Incident #1
"Could you please take a picture of me holding this book about Kama Sutra for my blog?"
"No thanks!"
(Okay this didn't happen exactly like that, but a sales employee asked me why I was taking pictures with a sex book and he was not willing to help)

Incident #2
"Would you like a gift receipt for this lingerie"
"No it's for me."
"Well your 'friend' will like it for sure.
***When my parents were out of town, I slept in the lingerie. THAT CRAP IS WAY UNCOMFORTABLE. IT WAS SURELY INVENTED BY A HORNY DUDE.

Incident #3
I went to a restaurant by myself and was seated.
The hostess asked 4 times if I'd like to call someone.
--No this is for a blog. I'm dating myself.
"Oh, well if you change your mind.... let me know"


Yes hostess lady, I have changed my mind.

It pains me to do this. I wanted to finish what I started, but its not working. I guess part of being an adult is knowing when things aren't working.  I will of course still blog, but I'm so boring. If this was a real relationship, I'd self-admit myself to couples counseling. Maybe I'll try something else. Like 60 Days of Thankfulness.

Yeah.

I'd rather be thankful than dating myself.

I'd give this a 5.

But I still wonder, have you been dished a bad breakup line? Let me know in the comments.

Day #11: Heaven

It's Day 11.

11 rhymes with Heaven.

I'm pretty sure Heaven has lots of strawberries, lots of big comfy beds, no hair exploding humidity, and absolutely no creepy crawlers or spiders.

I went on a bike ride today. By myself. This doesn't bother me like a solo movie. I find zipping through the wind at high speeds very therapeutic and a perfect time to pray. And if I cry during those prayers, nobody can really tell behind my huge sunglasses and helmet. As I weave through the trees, I imagine myself doing things. I imagine myself in a room with my best friends as they help me into a gorgeous wedding gown, with a cathedral veil and Father of The Bride sneakers.** I imagine myself in the hot desert of Africa, waiting for the caretakers to bring me my baby. I imagine myself accepting an award for something great that I've done. I imagine myself sitting quietly in a hospital waiting room, praying for someone I love to come out of surgery. I imagine a totally fruitful life. And oddly enough, those images do not include a man. It feels good.

**I know I need a man to wear a wedding gown without being judged, but the specific moment was totally man-free.**

 I see those things and I cannot wait. I cannot wait for my life. I cannot wait to have my mind blown on a daily basis by a God who has my best interest at heart. Whose plans for me totally annihilate my own ideas of what I wish life would be like. BRING IT ON!

Unfortunately, when I'm in a mood, I see myself being alone forever. I see myself as the crazy cat lady. This scares me mostly because I don't really even like cats. I see myself as the "never a bride, always a bridesmaid." I see myself as the girl whose only valentine will ever be her Dad ( he does a good job, but there's a line)

And I have come to realize, I can literally rob myself of my own joy. I find joy in being able to strip wallpaper from my parent's kitchen soffit. I find joy in being able to drop everything I'm doing and go see a movie with my friend. I find joy in the little things. These little things that bring me the most joy, don't include the directions that say, "Add a man for best results" It's not there! I checked!


Today, on my bike ride, it hit me. Heaven will be amazing, but if I am joyous and grateful, I can have my own right here. I can be perfectly lonely. I can be content. I can and will be the third wheel. It's fine. I will not die. I was perfectly lonely. I had nobody to answer to. I had nowhere to be and I was just by myself. Alone.

And because I can't take pictures on my bike, here is a glimpse of Heaven from my all time favorite movie....

--My heaven also includes a man with enough balls to watch this movie and hold me while I cry.. Just saying.

Day #10: A Movie Date

So this girl Caryn called me up and said, "Hey, you really need to step up your game on the blog business. You're a slacker, you are really bad at dating yourself. You're all talk."

What a biotch!

I saw this....

Here's the play by play.

I arrived late to theatre.
In a frantic voice, I purchased ONE ticket.  Maybe they think I'm meeting someone/
Take Mom's refillable popcorn bucket to the food counter. Buy Popcorn. Well for all the girl knows, I'm part of the big group of young adults in front of me that paid individually.
Walk by myself past lots of people to the theater.
Walk in to the theater.
THERE ARE NO SEATS IN THE MAIN SECTION.
Ponder between hiding in the front section or owning my singleness and sitting in the handi-capable seats that are solo.
I choose front section because from up above, you can't really see me.
Worry if people can see me after all.
LAUGH, LAUGH, LAUGH and LAUGH.
Realize the movie has ended and all the people will see me alone in the light.
Grab my purse
RUN OUT OF THE THEATER USING A SIDE DOOR.
Hold breath until I am in my car.
Get in car.
Sigh of relief.
Ponder.......
--Why do I care?
--How do people do this? 
--Why do people like doing this?
--Maybe I should buy tickets online.
--Maybe I should get to movies earlier.


Take Away: It was just weird. I missed having to share popcorn. I missed having someone to laugh with. I mean, my mom is a pretty good movie date so I will ask her to go with me next time. I'll maybe try again at some point, but it was too weird. I'd rather give blood then go to a movie by myself again. I can do lots of things by myself, but movies aren't it.

PS: I suck terribly at taking selfies, so here is photographic proof of my escapade.

Day #9 : Gimme Gimme Gimme a Man

I recently rediscovered a CD from my tween years.

They did covers of this amazing band.....

Their lyrics are especially applicable to a single girl....

Half past 12

And I'm watching the late show in my flat all alone

How I hate to spend the evening on my own

Autumn winds

Blowing outside my window as I look around the room

And it makes me so depressed to see the gloom

There's not a soul out there....

No one to hear my prayer...

Gimme Gimme Gimme a man after midnight

Won't somebody help me chase these shadows away?

--Gimme Gimme Gimme A Man After Midnight

One of us is crying

One of us is lying

In her lonely bed

Staring at the ceiling

Wishing she was somewhere else instead

One of us is lonely

One of us is only

Waiting for a call

Sorry for herself, feeling stupid feeling small

Wishing she had never left at all.

--One of Us

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line

Honey, I'm still free

Take a chance on me.

If you need me, let me know, I'm gonna be around

If you got no place to go,  if you're feeling down

Honey I'm still free. Take a chance on me.

Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie

If you put me to the test, if you let me try...

-Take a Chance on Me.

It was like shooting a sitting duck
A little small talk, a smile and baby I was stuck
I still don't know what you've done with me
A grown-up woman should never fall so easily
I feel a kind of fear
When I don't have you near
Unsatisfied, I skip my pride
I beg you dear...
Don't go wasting your emotion
Lay all your love on me
Don't go sharing your devotion
Lay all your love on me....
Lay All Your Love on Me

This may sound depressing, but its really awesome. Enough of Taylor Swift and being broken up all the time. We need more Adele.  Let's talk about being crazy and telling people to take chances on love. We need more of this. We need more music that's not about being all doe eyed. We need music about Facebook creeping your favorite couples. We need music about stalking your crush. We need honest music. We need music that's not about sex and ladies. W

We need music that says, " I am awesome, you're missing out."

Who's with me?!?!

And if you need just a wee pick me up, here's a YouTube video....

What's your favorite song about being single? Even if you're not single, you had one when you were!! Leave a comment!

Day 8: Life Goes...

Since my last post.....

1. I went on my first date with myself. I took a pasta making class at Sur La Table. I may or may not have cheated and taken my friend Bridget with me. It was a double date, which I hear is quite normal for couples.

2. My car got broken into, my camera was stolen out of my glove compartment. Along with my trust of shady people, all pictures of #1 are gone.

3. My best friend from HighSchool got married.  I pretended to keep it together.

4.  I got an iPad. I can blog on the go.

5. I broke my code and started talking to a guy...it self imploded and I'm still cleaning up the pieces.

6. I did another epic cleanup of my bedroom. If you can guess how many days it stays clean, you could maybe possibly win a Starbucks gift card.

7. I've decided to lose 10 lbs 10 times.

8. I went on a church retreat with my bible study group and I roasted the perfect marshmallow. More importantly, I feel a renewed sense of joy, even in the mass personal chaos that is my life.

9. My desire for a puppy grows stronger every day.

10. I cleaned out the passenger compartment of my car. You'd think a small army of Ke$ha groupies had a party in my car. Glitter, makeup and food particles everywhere.

I have missed you so much! I promise to keep up with ya'll better.

Question of the week: Whose relationship do you admire most?? Tell me in the comments box!

Abercrombie & Fitch part 2

Quick Recap from the last post.

1. That creepy guy is an ass, and runs his company as such.
2. We're (not me, but most) all outraged that this is happening.
3. I don't care what the creepy guy does.
4. I have not, will not, and refuse to ever shop at the store.

Since that's out of the way, we can get started.

I'm not sure what has become the bigger issue with this whole thing; the fact that this guy is an ass and told us about it or the fact that fat people can't wear his polos and slutskirts.

Things I've heard people say about it.
-His sizes are way off.
-He only hires attractive people.
-People are giving them to the homeless, rebranding Woo!
-I can shop there and I won't anymore. That guy is a butt.

Those things are too bad. Really they are. Those people have obviously never....
-bought a wedding dress. Talk about size discrepancy!! Just being a bridesmaid has taken my self-esteem to a remarkable low.
-walked into a fancy store where if you're not wearing nice clothes you feel awkward in such as Tiffany's or Burberry; and they can just tell you're looking and not buying.
-never been to an event where they say "People take off your shoes and give them to the homeless"
-shopped anywhere.

Or maybe they did and just forgot that stuff like this is part of life.

I'd like to consider the following questions.

Are people going to continue to shop at Old Navy?
-Just about a year ago, a veteran saw an employee wearing a military jacket with rank insignia and a weapons badge.  The veteran asked the guy about it and was given attitude. The employee started shouting at the veteran and apparently laid a hand on him. Old Navy removed the veteran and stood behind the employee.

Are people going to continue to shop at Hobby Lobby?
-Don't get me wrong, I would probably die without this store. My business would change and I would be depressed. Yeah it's a Christian company and they celebrate Christmas in July, but does anyone else ever wonder how they can charge so little? I am willing to bet money that the people who make the creepy doll limbs, stickers and model train parts don't get Sundays off to be with their families.

Are people going to continue to shop at Gymboree?
-This store and it's sister companies had one of their sweatshops in Bangladesh explode earlier this year. Their response was virtually, "We want to keep prices low for our customers, we're sorry"

As a fat, young, Christian girl who's been to Guatemala and seen where these sweatshop workers  live....I want to know...

WHY IS A&F MAKING PEOPLE SO ANGRY!?.

So this guy hates fat people? But I want to know why people don't care that he uses sweatshop labor to make those $80 jeans. We should be mad at ourselves. We should be mad that the company is pocketing at least $65 of our hard earned money per pair.

We should be mad that they have chairs outside the stores for parents. No wonder kids are losing their minds.. the parents are outside!
We should be mad that teenage girls are covering their textbooks with torsos of dudes they don't know.
We should be mad that the children who make the clothes aren't in school.
We should be mad that this store has made robots out of our kids.
We should be mad that most of the people that win olympic medals for the USA can't fit into the "cool kids company."

--Sorry but I don't care about what that creepy guy defines as cool. You win a medal? No, you even go to the Olympics to try and win a medal..... YOU ARE COOL.

I want to know why people are so upset. We let this happen. It's our fault. Parents are so outraged! Sorry, sending all the clothes back to the company only proves one thing. You as an adult got sucked in too.  Now you have to buy more clothes to replace the ones you sent back. Turn that little finger back around, please. You just got owned by that weirdo guy!

I'm not saying I'm free and clear...

My favorite sweater is made in Bangladesh.
My favorite pair of sandals is made in China.
My favorite evening gown (yes! I have one) is made in China too.
Oh and my The North Face jacket that I paid $150 for (if that's not embarassing, then I don't know what is. It's not really even that warm) is made in El Salvador. I'm not sure if I could point to it on a map.
The clothing thing of mine (that I know of ) that was made in the USA....are the things my mom has made for me. She's from Detroit and they were made in Naperville. VICTORY!!!

I went to college for 5 years; I can't find El Salvador, and I buy most of my clothes from companies who exploit children......Yay! I am a good person.

Until I can figure out how to fix this... I will drive my car to Starbucks and sip iced tea I could make for myself almost 90% cheaper.






Yay America!

I got this pic from Google. It's not mine. Thank God.

Why is a shirtless man selling fleece??? It's not even cold in this picture.

What do you think about all this?? Tell me in a comment.

Care

Abercrombie & Fitch part 1

The rant against the company......

I've seen a lot of stuff about Abercrombie & Fitch lately.....and I think I have something to say. I will likely offend some, others might share it, maybe you'll put poop in a bag on my front porch like they did in that movie, maybe you'll send me money because you agree (hey, why not!?), maybe you'll just go "Meh." Your call, I just write.

People have gone nuts because some creepy man says he doesn't like fat people.

Well, I'm fat so I will take jab.

 I was never able to fit into their clothes. I never ever could. I was too fat. My sister shopped at A&F and I hung out across the mall at Lane Bryant. It was just life. I never once enjoyed the way the store smelled like B.O or that it was dark in there. I never enjoyed how they really only sell 5 things. I never once enjoyed covering my textbooks in half naked boy bags. I never did. Because I was too fat.

I did however enjoy the fact that my mom refused to go into that store and would send me in to give my sister money. I also enjoyed the fact that when I tried to drop off the credit card for my sister to make a purchase they wouldn't let me in. I was not allowed in. They asked in a snotty tone if they could help me. They even offered to take my mother's credit card and find my sister. STRANGER DANGER! I don't blame them, I had braces, sideburns and acne. I was not a pretty sight. I would probably send all of their pretty customers running. I was a yeti, and I embrace it.

Because I could never fit into the clothes there, I was forced to "own" my style. I dressed like a mom for a few years and I wore a salmon colored corduroy jumper from J. Jill in 8th grade. I was a total freak and it didn't matter. I still had friends.

It didn't matter that I was too fat to wear A&F because it wasn't my style. I refuse to believe that all of those girls really enjoy wearing dental floss denim skirts and polo shirts; the Chicago suburbs are not a Kenny Chesney concert. Put on some clothes.  Never once did I decide I wanted to wear graphic tees with raunchy slogans, never once did I want to wear a skimpy dress, an eskimo hat and a dazed look on my face. It just wasn't my thing.

I can tell you that with absolute certainty, even if I was skinny I would never shop there. My thoughts on this are not a defense mechanism I use to hide my feelings. I hate that store and I would never shop there, because I just don't like it.

That creepy man said he didn't want certain people shopping there because it destroys his brand. Okay! Does he want stupid people shopping there instead?

A&F is stupid. Yep. I said it. Grab your tomatoes! There's going to be a riot!  Who in their right mind would actually pay $80 for a pair of jeans that is more hole than pant? Who in their right mind would buy a shirt that says "Fitch" on it? You know what? Whenever I see those shirts I play a rhyming game....Itch. Twitch. Bitch. Kitch. Ditch. Pitch. I'm sorry, but those rhymes aren't good. Are you a bitch with a twitch and an itch that got ditched? Rough life man. Change your shirt.

It's crazy to me. The clothes are of terrible quality, they smell before you've worn them and everyone else in the school that can fit them is wearing them. Have we lost our sense of uniqueness? Didn't their mothers ever tell them to blaze their own trail? The value is not there.

So the creepy man says he doesn't like fat people. Well neither do I! He says he doesn't want people destroying his brand, neither do I! It's not worth my time.

And here is the kicker...I almost secretly want to shake his hand (and then wash it, because if he smells anything like his store, I will barf). He is an ass, and he owns it! He's a creepy man with a weird face and he owns it. Who cares if he dresses like a preppy highschooler? He owns it. He stands behind what he says. I wish more people did that. If you don't like what someone has to say, then don't talk to them. If you don't like the brand, don't shop there. I say watch this movie!

Okay, so he burns the clothes? That's wasteful. He's a jerk. But until you show me the completely ethical and eco-friendly practices of all of the other stores in mainstream America...I can't get mad. I bet my favorite stores have some skeletons in their closets. I don't understand why people are getting so upset. Sometimes people can't have what they want. I want a dog and a pony. Forever I wished I could shop at Victoria's Secret. I wish I could swap the machinery I wear under my clothes for an "Oh So Sexy $50 bra". But I can't. Am I outraged? No. I wish I could buy shoes at normal stores, but I'm a size 12. I'm not going to boycott Macy's because they don't carry size 12 shoes.

It is a wonder I have the courage to get up every morning and clothe myself. It truly is a wonder! I applaud myself.


Why are people so upset? Is there going to be a national uproar next week about how Lane Bryant doesn't want skinny people to shop there? Are we going to be outraged?

There are some deeper issues here. We will talk about them tomorrow!

Day 6 --- A Peek at My Pinterest Soul

My sister is coming over today and my life along with my bedroom/bathroom are a serious mess!

I have to clean them. I think the wrath of my sister for leaving hair on the floor is worse than being single for many moons.

Really I do.

But in the meantime, while I de-hair my bathroom... I leave you with these brilliant brilliant glimpses of awesome. I've had a lot of people say to me, "Good things coming to those who wait." and tell me how to be content. I also realized that while I'm dating myself, I really like having to worry about myself. Just myself. My life is an intricately woven network of friends and family that I rely on.... They hold me up. You try to pull on it, I may cut you. It's like when my mom says, "Don't mess with my kids!"... I say "Don't mess with me or my people!" When you enter into a relationship, I believe that you say, "I am giving you the opportunity to make or break me. While I have lots of power on my own, when I let you in, I give you power. I hope you choose option one." I don't have time for that right now. I just want to move out. I have to focus on myself. I need to.

Today, because God is so good and I am so blessed.... I will try to

And without further ado.... Here is my political statement of the day!

Day #5 - The List

I'm dating myself, right?

I assume I am taking the lead role in this interlude, so it is up to me to plan "dates".

WHAT DO NORMAL PEOPLE DO ON DATES?!?!

I feel like my mind has been overtaken by Hollywood ideas of romance: endless $$ for activities, and infinite amounts of time. It can be discouraging if your life isn't Pinterest lovely...

As much as it pains me to say this, I will. "I am a normal person with limited time, patience, resources and planning capabilities.

That said, I refuse to be one of those "couples" who thinks they can maintain romance by just staring at each other.

So...I perused websites, read some blogs, watched some movies and have compiled a list of dates that I commit to executing within this blogging series, some inspired by my favorite romantic movies. They are not in a particular order of occurrence......

-go to a fancy( according to my budget) hotel for a night and order room service.
-take dancing lessons-The Wedding Planner
-go to a nice restaurant on a heavily populated day
-go to a movie
-go on a picnic in a public area
-walk along the Riverwalk in Downtown Naperville at sunset
-cook a meal full of "sex foods" and take a bath- Pretty Women
-take a cooking class- No Reservations
-watch a movie on the couch and drink something from a bottle.
-buy lingerie, wear it and go to bed
-eat spaghetti-Lady and the Tramp
-go stargazing in the cemetery-- A Walk To Remember
-read Love Sonnett XVII- Patch Adams
-stand in the "dirty book" section of a bookstore for at least 10 minutes and make a related purchase.
-complete a Bible Study aimed at new couples.
-go to a jewelry store and try on engagement rings- Sweet Home Alabama


I realize that some of these aren't normal and are a bit over the top....but won't they be fun?

Once this epic project/paper/poster is done, I will actively pursue myself... get ready!

Is there a fun date idea I missed? Do you have a suggestion?

--Leave me a date idea in a comment and be entered to win a Starbucks giftcard. But, more than 10 people have to participate or else it's a lamegame.

This picture totally applies to dating myself...Yep!

Day #4----Ain't Nobody Got Time For That

I am dating myself.

I am “marrying age”.

Marrying age is not to be confused with “ready to be married!”

I also suffer from an affliction that kicks in when someone I know actually is ready to be married. When I see it on Facebook or I see them in person, I immediately began to compare, belittle or get jealous.

It’s either….

“Oh yay!”

“You’ve got to be kidding me”

“No way in hell did she say yes”

“About damn time”

“HER?!!?!”

I’d like to get married someday, but I don’t think any man (or at least the kind I’d like) approves of my messy car or my disgustingly infrequent leg shavings. It’s kind of nasty. The layer of filth that plagues my car could maybe cause a man to consider joining the priesthood. Whatever.

I sometimes wonder why people who are uglier than me are getting married. I realize ugly is a subjective term but come on…..Honey Boo Boo’s mom has a lover and I don’t. I have a nice butt, great lips and sizable rack, who wouldn’t want that?! Ha.  I have all of my teeth, I’m not full of piercings or ink!

WHAT GIVES?!?!? My expectations aren’t even that high! I just want a tall, nerdy-ish guy who loves the Lord, loves me, loves being healthy and thinks I’m sexy. If he wears glasses and has a motorcycle, even better!

When someone gets engaged, I just get all mean and judgy.

I am supposed to be happy for them, not wondering where I fall short or how I missed the memo on how to make a guy fall in love with me. It is their time!

Assuming I get the love memo at some point, I would want their undivided ‘WooHoo! I am so happy for you’. I am being selfish in that respect I guess. I want to be the center of attention.

I, Caryn Alexis Blomquist do solemnly swear to be nothing but happy for you when you get engaged. I also probably want to attend your wedding. I also am single, so please just invite me, not me plus someone. I love you.

And because I wasn’t dating myself last week and Pinterested pictures that are of no use to me…. I had this on my computer!

 Yep. Now if someone does fall in love with me, I don’t have to drop subtle clues. He can just read my blog.

What do you struggle with? What’s hard to watch your friends have that you don’t?

Day #3

I’m dating myself.

What does it look like?

I may not have a man in my arms, but I have a cat on my head.

Day #2 Winging It

I’m dating myself right?

When I decided I was going to do that, I wasn’t really sure what it meant to do so. Does it mean I’m going to be a ‘one man band’? Will I do coupley things by myself? Do I go on dates by myself? Do I talk about my daily life without the active search for a dude? Will I make intentional efforts to avoid things that make me feel like crap? What is dating anyways? I consulted the 100% true, wise and current Urban Dictionary…. According to them, dating can be defined as….

Of a couple, to be in the early stages of a relationship where they go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a fully fledged couple.


or

A pointless waste of time...defined by massive usage of cologne and/or perfume, awkward sweaty hand-holding, and feelings of puppy love that usually dissolved in a few weeks (or less)The other ones were too dirty.

or 

A socially acceptable form of prostitution.

I am pretty sure I am not a prostitute. I don’t wear perfume and I can’t really hold my own hands and be productive. Thus, this blog is me getting to know myself while you read.

After all, I am dating myself.

I will do things that only couples are supposed to do, I will be a unit of one. I will embrace being the third wheel--not to be confused with part three of a threesome! I will figure out what I’m doing with my life and I WILL be satisfied. I will also likely crash and burn. I will attempt to unlearn society’s view of what being a happy successful young person is. Do I need a man on my arm?  Each day will be different, just like real life.

Oh and technically, this is day 2. But I haven’t started yet the actual dating part. This post is to make sure we’re all on the same page.

The sun’ll come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there’ll be sun and juicy blog posts.

So what I’m trying to say is that this whole thing will take 62 days.

Dating Myself- Day #1

I’ve decided to date myself for 60 days.

I could give you 60 reasons why being single is awesome, why men are stupid and why I’m perfectly happy with the way my life is.

That would be a lie.

Truth be told, most of the time I feel like I’m crumbling. I can’t seem to get my life in order. I fail a lot. Heck, I even failed the same thing twice! It’s a problem. I keep waiting for my life to start. “Today is the day!” Well, sorry Caryn but you’ve been saying that since you were seven. I want to accomplish things, reach my goals, make people happy, make myself happy and most of all I just want to be who God wants me to be. I know God made me in his image and that I am my own person, but I doubt God delights in me when I’m late because I lost something, when I lie because I’m embarrassed, or when I buy things that aren’t necessary. The problems I have with myself are not personality-based. I am pretty much drowning in self-deceit. I know for a fact that deep down, somewhere, is the Caryn who is…. 

-on time to things

-virtuous in all she does

-clean in body, mind, soul, bedroom, bathroom and car

-healthy because her body is important

-after God’s own heart

-content with what she has

-stylish but true to herself

-loving everyone, even those who make it really hard

-honest to all but kind, honest about her own limits.

-intentional

WHERE IS SHE?!?!!

Yeah, it’s kind of scary. I right now, am not those things. I have some serious baggage to unpack. Don’t worry, this isn’t one of those blogs where I throw myself a pity party and post creepy fake emotional pictures of myself.

This shit is real.

I’m dating myself because I eventually want to marry someone else.  If I were to meet the love of my life now, it’d be a disaster. I’d have to run home, put all my ‘stuff’ into trash bags and hope he doesn’t find them. I want to be who I want to be for real; not hypothetically. What people see is a hot mess, what people see get is an emotionally depleted girl who is dying for a date, drowning in her issues, and hoping people don’t rub her the wrong way because she just might burst into tears.

What I want is to be free..

 I know 60 days isn’t a long time. It took the Israelites 40 years in the desert to reach the Promised Land!   I chose 60 days because my friend is getting married in June and I hear the best man is tall and handsome*

*I cannot be held responsible for what happens after 60 days. 

Thanks for joining me on this journey. I am blessed to know you!