Day #11: Heaven

It's Day 11.

11 rhymes with Heaven.

I'm pretty sure Heaven has lots of strawberries, lots of big comfy beds, no hair exploding humidity, and absolutely no creepy crawlers or spiders.

I went on a bike ride today. By myself. This doesn't bother me like a solo movie. I find zipping through the wind at high speeds very therapeutic and a perfect time to pray. And if I cry during those prayers, nobody can really tell behind my huge sunglasses and helmet. As I weave through the trees, I imagine myself doing things. I imagine myself in a room with my best friends as they help me into a gorgeous wedding gown, with a cathedral veil and Father of The Bride sneakers.** I imagine myself in the hot desert of Africa, waiting for the caretakers to bring me my baby. I imagine myself accepting an award for something great that I've done. I imagine myself sitting quietly in a hospital waiting room, praying for someone I love to come out of surgery. I imagine a totally fruitful life. And oddly enough, those images do not include a man. It feels good.

**I know I need a man to wear a wedding gown without being judged, but the specific moment was totally man-free.**

 I see those things and I cannot wait. I cannot wait for my life. I cannot wait to have my mind blown on a daily basis by a God who has my best interest at heart. Whose plans for me totally annihilate my own ideas of what I wish life would be like. BRING IT ON!

Unfortunately, when I'm in a mood, I see myself being alone forever. I see myself as the crazy cat lady. This scares me mostly because I don't really even like cats. I see myself as the "never a bride, always a bridesmaid." I see myself as the girl whose only valentine will ever be her Dad ( he does a good job, but there's a line)

And I have come to realize, I can literally rob myself of my own joy. I find joy in being able to strip wallpaper from my parent's kitchen soffit. I find joy in being able to drop everything I'm doing and go see a movie with my friend. I find joy in the little things. These little things that bring me the most joy, don't include the directions that say, "Add a man for best results" It's not there! I checked!


Today, on my bike ride, it hit me. Heaven will be amazing, but if I am joyous and grateful, I can have my own right here. I can be perfectly lonely. I can be content. I can and will be the third wheel. It's fine. I will not die. I was perfectly lonely. I had nobody to answer to. I had nowhere to be and I was just by myself. Alone.

And because I can't take pictures on my bike, here is a glimpse of Heaven from my all time favorite movie....

--My heaven also includes a man with enough balls to watch this movie and hold me while I cry.. Just saying.