I am CareCare, Hear me Roar!

An old friend wanted to hang out....

"Ok sure, but I am not seeing Batman"

So we saw Spiderman and went to dinner.

While Spiderman is rescuing a child from car dangling off a bridge I thought to myself, "It would be cool to be a superhero."

And then with a swift kick of my seat from behind, I was brought back to reality.-- I am so out of shape, I have no superpowers, the good ones are taken, and I'm not a man.

Why did I want to be a superhero anyways? Probably so I could just jump out of bad situations or help people who needed it.

Feeling dejected, I turned on TV and of course Forrest Gump was on TBS. During the commercials I thought about mental illness, chocolate, Vietnam, running and shrimp. But when the feather started floating, I felt a bit like Jenny (the girl! not the boat)

"Dear God, make me a bird. So I could fly far away, far away from here."

Jenny was asking God to make her a superhero. Humans can't fly and we don't just turn into birds at random.

 Then I remembered how God takes people who are just normal and uses them to do amazing things...

I'm reading this book....

and I am filled with awe. These people were not disciples, these people were not homeboys with Jesus. These were people living like Jesus when the world told them not to. I don't know if they ate at Chick Fil-A or not, and it doesn't matter.  I don't know if they sponsor children in far off places, and it doesn't matter. I don't even know if they tithed, but it doesn't matter. These people were bad-ass. Yet, I bet if you asked them about it, they'd be a humble-bee.

At a time in my life when I am single, semi- unmotivated, sad with the world, jealous of my friends who seem to have it all together (relationships, jobs, independence) and pitiful, I find solace in the words of others-because I just can't find my own at this point.

He reigns, we fall short. He uses us to further his kingdom.

The End.

Shake It

It's a funny thing, the human hand. It  has the ability to operate most machinery, writing utensils, and weapons.

Interestingly enough, hands can also be a turn-on.

I have a friend who wouldn't mind dating an ogre, as long as he had nice hands. What does that mean? Big? Smooth? Scarred? Well Manicured?

For me, I value big hands, with just a touch of dryness. I mean, if a man has better hands than I do it could be a problem. I, as a nail biter who has dry skin, have an issue with men whom have nice hands...

It's like they're a better woman than me.

All that stuff aside, I just learned that hands are what get you jobs. Not hand jobs, but actual jobs; the jobs that the government takes from. I mean, would you really want to claim yourself as a handjobber on your tax forms? If you answered yes, I thank you for keepin' it classy.

In a mini-workshop I attended recently, the speaker said your handshake will win them. So I put on makeup and waxed my chin because why?

You ever met a really awesome, hot, manly man and he gave you a weenie handshake?
You ever met a girl who's shoes are too high, and she squeezes the living daylights out of your hand and you can feel each bone breaking?

You end up not liking these people very much and then you get scared. Is the woman a dominatrix? Is the man moonlighting as a drag queen? Either way, you're not going to hire them.

The right way to shake it....
- extend your sword hand- this tells the person you will not kill them if they extend their hand.
-squeeze, but not too hard.
-don't shake it. None of the side to side business, just a firm squeeze.
-and for the love of God, do not use your other hand. Sometimes for effect, we use the other hand to blanket the other.
---THIS IS FOR REALLY BAD OR REALLY GOOD situations only...which include but are not limited to the following.....

• someone just donated your struggling organization money.
• someone died.
• you are God.
• you are really happy to meet someone..and intend to wine and dine them in the future.
• you are really happy to meet someone..the normal kind.
• you can't for the life of you remember the person's name and it has something to do with options 1 through 4.

Just shake it......

Google Image

George Washington

Because I have no job, I've been feeling rather nostalgic lately. I remember summer as the lovely break between school years, sleepovers on more than just the weekends, firework popsicles, barbecues and going to the pool.

I don't remember the pool because of it's blazing hot plastic lawn chairs, the floating band-aids or the Colonel Crunch bars from the concession hut.

I remember the George Washington curls....

that my friends did.

My hair didn't like past Presidents, my hair didn't float like a mermaid when I was above water. My hair was a rat's nest. I learned to treasure the time spent before my swim races when I would kneal at the baby pool, soak my swimcap, load it with baby powder and hope my mom could pile my mop of hair into the cap before it started to seal. She would work as fast as she could, but sometimes we just couldnt work fast enough. I got poked in the eye, had rings lost in my hair, or a rat tail.

Let's just say I coveted the cute swimcaps of my peers. I was stuck with the adult ones. No funny slogans, no lady bugs or flowers. I just got Speedo. My heart now breaks for my young self of yesteryear.

But that was then, this is now. I embrace the mop. I embrace the fact that I can literally lose bobby pins for days at at time. It's cool, I love it. I use insane amounts of conditioner, but its all worth it. I am my curly hair, I can rock the long fro, I can rock the cute bun with sparkly headband look. My hair is versatile, not really.

All of you straight-haired people probably wish you had curls, and let me tell you I spent years trying to make my hair straight. I gave up and I'm happier.


It's not all fun and games though.... We frequently have to deal with the following afflictions....too often.

 the straight haired people stare at you funny..... it's like an explosion of foil and hair! I'm not kidding....

 What are we supposed to do with it? Put it in a baggie for later?

 which is why I don't like dishes.

Oh sorry, my neck is crooked to the side all the time, and I talk to myself too.


It's okay, we all have our issues.


Because I'm not white with "white people" hair, I am so curious as to how life is on the other side.

Any white people want to talk about it? It's okay, this blog is a safe place.


Care.

Help! I've Fallen.

Am I a bad person because those LifeAlert commercials make me laugh? It's not the idea that people are falling without help nearby, or that people can call the police by pressing a button on their necklace....it's the slogan that gets me every time. Every single time.

The commercials go like this...

-person falls

-they can't get up

-they remember to press the Life Alert button

- heartfelt testimonial from family member

-happy scene

- call this number!

I don't mean to be rude, but those commercials are full of hooey.........

I have it on good authority that when people (of any age) take a tumble they don't calmly/slightly overdramatically exclaim,

"Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!"

It's more of an "AHHHHHHHHHH" (shock mixed with pain)

or an "UGHHHHHHH" (horror mixed with pain)

maybe even possibly a 

"HAHAHAHAHA" (if I laugh, others will too)

and lastly, my personal favorite, the

"!*!&$**!&$^*&@$%&*@!&*^&*!^&*$^*&" (full use of personal expletive library)

And so, today, I promise to admit my problems as they come, vowing never to downplay them, assuring you that I will be honest, trustworthy and candid when explaining/blogging to you the crazy that is my life. 

Honk if you know this guy!
source: Google Images/ LifeAlert.org

The 'Stache

With no job, I've been frequenting Pinterest lately!

Pinterest is a two-edged sword.

Either it inspires you to be witty, crafty, cooky, designy OR it makes you feel like crap because you're not as beautiful, don't have as much $, your home is not magazine worthy, your projects look like roadkill in comparison to the ones in the picture.

I LOVE IT.

But Pinterest is not the issue here.

This is....

Photoleblog.com

This has infiltrated the beauty of Pinterest..

I mustache you a question!

Why are these everywhere? Did I miss something? They are everywhere! Is there a point to them besides just being funny? Why are they the new thing? Women(including myself) spend thousands of dollars to rid ourselves of them, and then "the man" decides that we're going to put them on shirts, mugs, socks, pillowcases, and baby clothes.

I  understand them as a photobooth prop, but it just doesn't make sense to me otherwise

The only mustache that ever made sense to me was this one...

My handsome Daddy

He doesn't even have it anymore... 

Therefore, I think all mustaches should just disappear. Unless you can give me a peer-reviewed, scholarly source saying they should remain in use.  (Thank you Augustana College for making this my test of legitimacy).

Care

The Obligatory "Hello" Post

These posts are always really awkward..


"Hello, my name is Caryn and welcome to my blog."


There we go.


Now that we have that out of the way, I just want to give you the low down. Is that the same as "the DL"? 


This blog is an attempt to keep me writing, productively, every day.


I'm working on a book that revisits my 'formidable' young adult years and how I tried to do all of the "college things" and I destroyed myself in the process.


I guess you could say, my blog is part two. The rebuilding.


The 10 Things On This Blog, just so you know list..


1. My faith journey-- it is important to me, it's been a struggle, I love Jesus.
2. My relationship with food--allergies, diets, cupcakes, The Paleo Diet, recipes.
3. Product Endorsement/Bashing--if I love it, I'll tell you about it. If it's a disgrace, you'll know too.
4. Pretty Things--expect spillover from my Pinterest boards(the stuff I admire, not the stuff I'll make(
5. Men-I really like them, they don't really like me. Yet.
6. Craft-#4, but the stuff I actually make.
7. Laughs- I'm really good at it, sometimes at inappropriate times. 
8. Love-it oozes from my pores, might as well show up here too.
9. Pictures I take-I am by no means an expert, but my camera does AMAZING things.
10. Anything I could have possibly forgot, but will put there too.


Ta Ta for Now!

Care