Day #11: Heaven

It's Day 11.

11 rhymes with Heaven.

I'm pretty sure Heaven has lots of strawberries, lots of big comfy beds, no hair exploding humidity, and absolutely no creepy crawlers or spiders.

I went on a bike ride today. By myself. This doesn't bother me like a solo movie. I find zipping through the wind at high speeds very therapeutic and a perfect time to pray. And if I cry during those prayers, nobody can really tell behind my huge sunglasses and helmet. As I weave through the trees, I imagine myself doing things. I imagine myself in a room with my best friends as they help me into a gorgeous wedding gown, with a cathedral veil and Father of The Bride sneakers.** I imagine myself in the hot desert of Africa, waiting for the caretakers to bring me my baby. I imagine myself accepting an award for something great that I've done. I imagine myself sitting quietly in a hospital waiting room, praying for someone I love to come out of surgery. I imagine a totally fruitful life. And oddly enough, those images do not include a man. It feels good.

**I know I need a man to wear a wedding gown without being judged, but the specific moment was totally man-free.**

 I see those things and I cannot wait. I cannot wait for my life. I cannot wait to have my mind blown on a daily basis by a God who has my best interest at heart. Whose plans for me totally annihilate my own ideas of what I wish life would be like. BRING IT ON!

Unfortunately, when I'm in a mood, I see myself being alone forever. I see myself as the crazy cat lady. This scares me mostly because I don't really even like cats. I see myself as the "never a bride, always a bridesmaid." I see myself as the girl whose only valentine will ever be her Dad ( he does a good job, but there's a line)

And I have come to realize, I can literally rob myself of my own joy. I find joy in being able to strip wallpaper from my parent's kitchen soffit. I find joy in being able to drop everything I'm doing and go see a movie with my friend. I find joy in the little things. These little things that bring me the most joy, don't include the directions that say, "Add a man for best results" It's not there! I checked!


Today, on my bike ride, it hit me. Heaven will be amazing, but if I am joyous and grateful, I can have my own right here. I can be perfectly lonely. I can be content. I can and will be the third wheel. It's fine. I will not die. I was perfectly lonely. I had nobody to answer to. I had nowhere to be and I was just by myself. Alone.

And because I can't take pictures on my bike, here is a glimpse of Heaven from my all time favorite movie....

--My heaven also includes a man with enough balls to watch this movie and hold me while I cry.. Just saying.

Day #10: A Movie Date

So this girl Caryn called me up and said, "Hey, you really need to step up your game on the blog business. You're a slacker, you are really bad at dating yourself. You're all talk."

What a biotch!

I saw this....

Here's the play by play.

I arrived late to theatre.
In a frantic voice, I purchased ONE ticket.  Maybe they think I'm meeting someone/
Take Mom's refillable popcorn bucket to the food counter. Buy Popcorn. Well for all the girl knows, I'm part of the big group of young adults in front of me that paid individually.
Walk by myself past lots of people to the theater.
Walk in to the theater.
THERE ARE NO SEATS IN THE MAIN SECTION.
Ponder between hiding in the front section or owning my singleness and sitting in the handi-capable seats that are solo.
I choose front section because from up above, you can't really see me.
Worry if people can see me after all.
LAUGH, LAUGH, LAUGH and LAUGH.
Realize the movie has ended and all the people will see me alone in the light.
Grab my purse
RUN OUT OF THE THEATER USING A SIDE DOOR.
Hold breath until I am in my car.
Get in car.
Sigh of relief.
Ponder.......
--Why do I care?
--How do people do this? 
--Why do people like doing this?
--Maybe I should buy tickets online.
--Maybe I should get to movies earlier.


Take Away: It was just weird. I missed having to share popcorn. I missed having someone to laugh with. I mean, my mom is a pretty good movie date so I will ask her to go with me next time. I'll maybe try again at some point, but it was too weird. I'd rather give blood then go to a movie by myself again. I can do lots of things by myself, but movies aren't it.

PS: I suck terribly at taking selfies, so here is photographic proof of my escapade.

Day #9 : Gimme Gimme Gimme a Man

I recently rediscovered a CD from my tween years.

They did covers of this amazing band.....

Their lyrics are especially applicable to a single girl....

Half past 12

And I'm watching the late show in my flat all alone

How I hate to spend the evening on my own

Autumn winds

Blowing outside my window as I look around the room

And it makes me so depressed to see the gloom

There's not a soul out there....

No one to hear my prayer...

Gimme Gimme Gimme a man after midnight

Won't somebody help me chase these shadows away?

--Gimme Gimme Gimme A Man After Midnight

One of us is crying

One of us is lying

In her lonely bed

Staring at the ceiling

Wishing she was somewhere else instead

One of us is lonely

One of us is only

Waiting for a call

Sorry for herself, feeling stupid feeling small

Wishing she had never left at all.

--One of Us

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line

Honey, I'm still free

Take a chance on me.

If you need me, let me know, I'm gonna be around

If you got no place to go,  if you're feeling down

Honey I'm still free. Take a chance on me.

Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie

If you put me to the test, if you let me try...

-Take a Chance on Me.

It was like shooting a sitting duck
A little small talk, a smile and baby I was stuck
I still don't know what you've done with me
A grown-up woman should never fall so easily
I feel a kind of fear
When I don't have you near
Unsatisfied, I skip my pride
I beg you dear...
Don't go wasting your emotion
Lay all your love on me
Don't go sharing your devotion
Lay all your love on me....
Lay All Your Love on Me

This may sound depressing, but its really awesome. Enough of Taylor Swift and being broken up all the time. We need more Adele.  Let's talk about being crazy and telling people to take chances on love. We need more of this. We need more music that's not about being all doe eyed. We need music about Facebook creeping your favorite couples. We need music about stalking your crush. We need honest music. We need music that's not about sex and ladies. W

We need music that says, " I am awesome, you're missing out."

Who's with me?!?!

And if you need just a wee pick me up, here's a YouTube video....

What's your favorite song about being single? Even if you're not single, you had one when you were!! Leave a comment!

Day 8: Life Goes...

Since my last post.....

1. I went on my first date with myself. I took a pasta making class at Sur La Table. I may or may not have cheated and taken my friend Bridget with me. It was a double date, which I hear is quite normal for couples.

2. My car got broken into, my camera was stolen out of my glove compartment. Along with my trust of shady people, all pictures of #1 are gone.

3. My best friend from HighSchool got married.  I pretended to keep it together.

4.  I got an iPad. I can blog on the go.

5. I broke my code and started talking to a guy...it self imploded and I'm still cleaning up the pieces.

6. I did another epic cleanup of my bedroom. If you can guess how many days it stays clean, you could maybe possibly win a Starbucks gift card.

7. I've decided to lose 10 lbs 10 times.

8. I went on a church retreat with my bible study group and I roasted the perfect marshmallow. More importantly, I feel a renewed sense of joy, even in the mass personal chaos that is my life.

9. My desire for a puppy grows stronger every day.

10. I cleaned out the passenger compartment of my car. You'd think a small army of Ke$ha groupies had a party in my car. Glitter, makeup and food particles everywhere.

I have missed you so much! I promise to keep up with ya'll better.

Question of the week: Whose relationship do you admire most?? Tell me in the comments box!

Abercrombie & Fitch part 2

Quick Recap from the last post.

1. That creepy guy is an ass, and runs his company as such.
2. We're (not me, but most) all outraged that this is happening.
3. I don't care what the creepy guy does.
4. I have not, will not, and refuse to ever shop at the store.

Since that's out of the way, we can get started.

I'm not sure what has become the bigger issue with this whole thing; the fact that this guy is an ass and told us about it or the fact that fat people can't wear his polos and slutskirts.

Things I've heard people say about it.
-His sizes are way off.
-He only hires attractive people.
-People are giving them to the homeless, rebranding Woo!
-I can shop there and I won't anymore. That guy is a butt.

Those things are too bad. Really they are. Those people have obviously never....
-bought a wedding dress. Talk about size discrepancy!! Just being a bridesmaid has taken my self-esteem to a remarkable low.
-walked into a fancy store where if you're not wearing nice clothes you feel awkward in such as Tiffany's or Burberry; and they can just tell you're looking and not buying.
-never been to an event where they say "People take off your shoes and give them to the homeless"
-shopped anywhere.

Or maybe they did and just forgot that stuff like this is part of life.

I'd like to consider the following questions.

Are people going to continue to shop at Old Navy?
-Just about a year ago, a veteran saw an employee wearing a military jacket with rank insignia and a weapons badge.  The veteran asked the guy about it and was given attitude. The employee started shouting at the veteran and apparently laid a hand on him. Old Navy removed the veteran and stood behind the employee.

Are people going to continue to shop at Hobby Lobby?
-Don't get me wrong, I would probably die without this store. My business would change and I would be depressed. Yeah it's a Christian company and they celebrate Christmas in July, but does anyone else ever wonder how they can charge so little? I am willing to bet money that the people who make the creepy doll limbs, stickers and model train parts don't get Sundays off to be with their families.

Are people going to continue to shop at Gymboree?
-This store and it's sister companies had one of their sweatshops in Bangladesh explode earlier this year. Their response was virtually, "We want to keep prices low for our customers, we're sorry"

As a fat, young, Christian girl who's been to Guatemala and seen where these sweatshop workers  live....I want to know...

WHY IS A&F MAKING PEOPLE SO ANGRY!?.

So this guy hates fat people? But I want to know why people don't care that he uses sweatshop labor to make those $80 jeans. We should be mad at ourselves. We should be mad that the company is pocketing at least $65 of our hard earned money per pair.

We should be mad that they have chairs outside the stores for parents. No wonder kids are losing their minds.. the parents are outside!
We should be mad that teenage girls are covering their textbooks with torsos of dudes they don't know.
We should be mad that the children who make the clothes aren't in school.
We should be mad that this store has made robots out of our kids.
We should be mad that most of the people that win olympic medals for the USA can't fit into the "cool kids company."

--Sorry but I don't care about what that creepy guy defines as cool. You win a medal? No, you even go to the Olympics to try and win a medal..... YOU ARE COOL.

I want to know why people are so upset. We let this happen. It's our fault. Parents are so outraged! Sorry, sending all the clothes back to the company only proves one thing. You as an adult got sucked in too.  Now you have to buy more clothes to replace the ones you sent back. Turn that little finger back around, please. You just got owned by that weirdo guy!

I'm not saying I'm free and clear...

My favorite sweater is made in Bangladesh.
My favorite pair of sandals is made in China.
My favorite evening gown (yes! I have one) is made in China too.
Oh and my The North Face jacket that I paid $150 for (if that's not embarassing, then I don't know what is. It's not really even that warm) is made in El Salvador. I'm not sure if I could point to it on a map.
The clothing thing of mine (that I know of ) that was made in the USA....are the things my mom has made for me. She's from Detroit and they were made in Naperville. VICTORY!!!

I went to college for 5 years; I can't find El Salvador, and I buy most of my clothes from companies who exploit children......Yay! I am a good person.

Until I can figure out how to fix this... I will drive my car to Starbucks and sip iced tea I could make for myself almost 90% cheaper.






Yay America!

I got this pic from Google. It's not mine. Thank God.

Why is a shirtless man selling fleece??? It's not even cold in this picture.

What do you think about all this?? Tell me in a comment.

Care

Abercrombie & Fitch part 1

The rant against the company......

I've seen a lot of stuff about Abercrombie & Fitch lately.....and I think I have something to say. I will likely offend some, others might share it, maybe you'll put poop in a bag on my front porch like they did in that movie, maybe you'll send me money because you agree (hey, why not!?), maybe you'll just go "Meh." Your call, I just write.

People have gone nuts because some creepy man says he doesn't like fat people.

Well, I'm fat so I will take jab.

 I was never able to fit into their clothes. I never ever could. I was too fat. My sister shopped at A&F and I hung out across the mall at Lane Bryant. It was just life. I never once enjoyed the way the store smelled like B.O or that it was dark in there. I never enjoyed how they really only sell 5 things. I never once enjoyed covering my textbooks in half naked boy bags. I never did. Because I was too fat.

I did however enjoy the fact that my mom refused to go into that store and would send me in to give my sister money. I also enjoyed the fact that when I tried to drop off the credit card for my sister to make a purchase they wouldn't let me in. I was not allowed in. They asked in a snotty tone if they could help me. They even offered to take my mother's credit card and find my sister. STRANGER DANGER! I don't blame them, I had braces, sideburns and acne. I was not a pretty sight. I would probably send all of their pretty customers running. I was a yeti, and I embrace it.

Because I could never fit into the clothes there, I was forced to "own" my style. I dressed like a mom for a few years and I wore a salmon colored corduroy jumper from J. Jill in 8th grade. I was a total freak and it didn't matter. I still had friends.

It didn't matter that I was too fat to wear A&F because it wasn't my style. I refuse to believe that all of those girls really enjoy wearing dental floss denim skirts and polo shirts; the Chicago suburbs are not a Kenny Chesney concert. Put on some clothes.  Never once did I decide I wanted to wear graphic tees with raunchy slogans, never once did I want to wear a skimpy dress, an eskimo hat and a dazed look on my face. It just wasn't my thing.

I can tell you that with absolute certainty, even if I was skinny I would never shop there. My thoughts on this are not a defense mechanism I use to hide my feelings. I hate that store and I would never shop there, because I just don't like it.

That creepy man said he didn't want certain people shopping there because it destroys his brand. Okay! Does he want stupid people shopping there instead?

A&F is stupid. Yep. I said it. Grab your tomatoes! There's going to be a riot!  Who in their right mind would actually pay $80 for a pair of jeans that is more hole than pant? Who in their right mind would buy a shirt that says "Fitch" on it? You know what? Whenever I see those shirts I play a rhyming game....Itch. Twitch. Bitch. Kitch. Ditch. Pitch. I'm sorry, but those rhymes aren't good. Are you a bitch with a twitch and an itch that got ditched? Rough life man. Change your shirt.

It's crazy to me. The clothes are of terrible quality, they smell before you've worn them and everyone else in the school that can fit them is wearing them. Have we lost our sense of uniqueness? Didn't their mothers ever tell them to blaze their own trail? The value is not there.

So the creepy man says he doesn't like fat people. Well neither do I! He says he doesn't want people destroying his brand, neither do I! It's not worth my time.

And here is the kicker...I almost secretly want to shake his hand (and then wash it, because if he smells anything like his store, I will barf). He is an ass, and he owns it! He's a creepy man with a weird face and he owns it. Who cares if he dresses like a preppy highschooler? He owns it. He stands behind what he says. I wish more people did that. If you don't like what someone has to say, then don't talk to them. If you don't like the brand, don't shop there. I say watch this movie!

Okay, so he burns the clothes? That's wasteful. He's a jerk. But until you show me the completely ethical and eco-friendly practices of all of the other stores in mainstream America...I can't get mad. I bet my favorite stores have some skeletons in their closets. I don't understand why people are getting so upset. Sometimes people can't have what they want. I want a dog and a pony. Forever I wished I could shop at Victoria's Secret. I wish I could swap the machinery I wear under my clothes for an "Oh So Sexy $50 bra". But I can't. Am I outraged? No. I wish I could buy shoes at normal stores, but I'm a size 12. I'm not going to boycott Macy's because they don't carry size 12 shoes.

It is a wonder I have the courage to get up every morning and clothe myself. It truly is a wonder! I applaud myself.


Why are people so upset? Is there going to be a national uproar next week about how Lane Bryant doesn't want skinny people to shop there? Are we going to be outraged?

There are some deeper issues here. We will talk about them tomorrow!

Day 6 --- A Peek at My Pinterest Soul

My sister is coming over today and my life along with my bedroom/bathroom are a serious mess!

I have to clean them. I think the wrath of my sister for leaving hair on the floor is worse than being single for many moons.

Really I do.

But in the meantime, while I de-hair my bathroom... I leave you with these brilliant brilliant glimpses of awesome. I've had a lot of people say to me, "Good things coming to those who wait." and tell me how to be content. I also realized that while I'm dating myself, I really like having to worry about myself. Just myself. My life is an intricately woven network of friends and family that I rely on.... They hold me up. You try to pull on it, I may cut you. It's like when my mom says, "Don't mess with my kids!"... I say "Don't mess with me or my people!" When you enter into a relationship, I believe that you say, "I am giving you the opportunity to make or break me. While I have lots of power on my own, when I let you in, I give you power. I hope you choose option one." I don't have time for that right now. I just want to move out. I have to focus on myself. I need to.

Today, because God is so good and I am so blessed.... I will try to

And without further ado.... Here is my political statement of the day!