Day #5 - The List

I'm dating myself, right?

I assume I am taking the lead role in this interlude, so it is up to me to plan "dates".

WHAT DO NORMAL PEOPLE DO ON DATES?!?!

I feel like my mind has been overtaken by Hollywood ideas of romance: endless $$ for activities, and infinite amounts of time. It can be discouraging if your life isn't Pinterest lovely...

As much as it pains me to say this, I will. "I am a normal person with limited time, patience, resources and planning capabilities.

That said, I refuse to be one of those "couples" who thinks they can maintain romance by just staring at each other.

So...I perused websites, read some blogs, watched some movies and have compiled a list of dates that I commit to executing within this blogging series, some inspired by my favorite romantic movies. They are not in a particular order of occurrence......

-go to a fancy( according to my budget) hotel for a night and order room service.
-take dancing lessons-The Wedding Planner
-go to a nice restaurant on a heavily populated day
-go to a movie
-go on a picnic in a public area
-walk along the Riverwalk in Downtown Naperville at sunset
-cook a meal full of "sex foods" and take a bath- Pretty Women
-take a cooking class- No Reservations
-watch a movie on the couch and drink something from a bottle.
-buy lingerie, wear it and go to bed
-eat spaghetti-Lady and the Tramp
-go stargazing in the cemetery-- A Walk To Remember
-read Love Sonnett XVII- Patch Adams
-stand in the "dirty book" section of a bookstore for at least 10 minutes and make a related purchase.
-complete a Bible Study aimed at new couples.
-go to a jewelry store and try on engagement rings- Sweet Home Alabama


I realize that some of these aren't normal and are a bit over the top....but won't they be fun?

Once this epic project/paper/poster is done, I will actively pursue myself... get ready!

Is there a fun date idea I missed? Do you have a suggestion?

--Leave me a date idea in a comment and be entered to win a Starbucks giftcard. But, more than 10 people have to participate or else it's a lamegame.

This picture totally applies to dating myself...Yep!

Day #4----Ain't Nobody Got Time For That

I am dating myself.

I am “marrying age”.

Marrying age is not to be confused with “ready to be married!”

I also suffer from an affliction that kicks in when someone I know actually is ready to be married. When I see it on Facebook or I see them in person, I immediately began to compare, belittle or get jealous.

It’s either….

“Oh yay!”

“You’ve got to be kidding me”

“No way in hell did she say yes”

“About damn time”

“HER?!!?!”

I’d like to get married someday, but I don’t think any man (or at least the kind I’d like) approves of my messy car or my disgustingly infrequent leg shavings. It’s kind of nasty. The layer of filth that plagues my car could maybe cause a man to consider joining the priesthood. Whatever.

I sometimes wonder why people who are uglier than me are getting married. I realize ugly is a subjective term but come on…..Honey Boo Boo’s mom has a lover and I don’t. I have a nice butt, great lips and sizable rack, who wouldn’t want that?! Ha.  I have all of my teeth, I’m not full of piercings or ink!

WHAT GIVES?!?!? My expectations aren’t even that high! I just want a tall, nerdy-ish guy who loves the Lord, loves me, loves being healthy and thinks I’m sexy. If he wears glasses and has a motorcycle, even better!

When someone gets engaged, I just get all mean and judgy.

I am supposed to be happy for them, not wondering where I fall short or how I missed the memo on how to make a guy fall in love with me. It is their time!

Assuming I get the love memo at some point, I would want their undivided ‘WooHoo! I am so happy for you’. I am being selfish in that respect I guess. I want to be the center of attention.

I, Caryn Alexis Blomquist do solemnly swear to be nothing but happy for you when you get engaged. I also probably want to attend your wedding. I also am single, so please just invite me, not me plus someone. I love you.

And because I wasn’t dating myself last week and Pinterested pictures that are of no use to me…. I had this on my computer!

 Yep. Now if someone does fall in love with me, I don’t have to drop subtle clues. He can just read my blog.

What do you struggle with? What’s hard to watch your friends have that you don’t?

Day #3

I’m dating myself.

What does it look like?

I may not have a man in my arms, but I have a cat on my head.

Day #2 Winging It

I’m dating myself right?

When I decided I was going to do that, I wasn’t really sure what it meant to do so. Does it mean I’m going to be a ‘one man band’? Will I do coupley things by myself? Do I go on dates by myself? Do I talk about my daily life without the active search for a dude? Will I make intentional efforts to avoid things that make me feel like crap? What is dating anyways? I consulted the 100% true, wise and current Urban Dictionary…. According to them, dating can be defined as….

Of a couple, to be in the early stages of a relationship where they go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a fully fledged couple.


or

A pointless waste of time...defined by massive usage of cologne and/or perfume, awkward sweaty hand-holding, and feelings of puppy love that usually dissolved in a few weeks (or less)The other ones were too dirty.

or 

A socially acceptable form of prostitution.

I am pretty sure I am not a prostitute. I don’t wear perfume and I can’t really hold my own hands and be productive. Thus, this blog is me getting to know myself while you read.

After all, I am dating myself.

I will do things that only couples are supposed to do, I will be a unit of one. I will embrace being the third wheel--not to be confused with part three of a threesome! I will figure out what I’m doing with my life and I WILL be satisfied. I will also likely crash and burn. I will attempt to unlearn society’s view of what being a happy successful young person is. Do I need a man on my arm?  Each day will be different, just like real life.

Oh and technically, this is day 2. But I haven’t started yet the actual dating part. This post is to make sure we’re all on the same page.

The sun’ll come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there’ll be sun and juicy blog posts.

So what I’m trying to say is that this whole thing will take 62 days.

Dating Myself- Day #1

I’ve decided to date myself for 60 days.

I could give you 60 reasons why being single is awesome, why men are stupid and why I’m perfectly happy with the way my life is.

That would be a lie.

Truth be told, most of the time I feel like I’m crumbling. I can’t seem to get my life in order. I fail a lot. Heck, I even failed the same thing twice! It’s a problem. I keep waiting for my life to start. “Today is the day!” Well, sorry Caryn but you’ve been saying that since you were seven. I want to accomplish things, reach my goals, make people happy, make myself happy and most of all I just want to be who God wants me to be. I know God made me in his image and that I am my own person, but I doubt God delights in me when I’m late because I lost something, when I lie because I’m embarrassed, or when I buy things that aren’t necessary. The problems I have with myself are not personality-based. I am pretty much drowning in self-deceit. I know for a fact that deep down, somewhere, is the Caryn who is…. 

-on time to things

-virtuous in all she does

-clean in body, mind, soul, bedroom, bathroom and car

-healthy because her body is important

-after God’s own heart

-content with what she has

-stylish but true to herself

-loving everyone, even those who make it really hard

-honest to all but kind, honest about her own limits.

-intentional

WHERE IS SHE?!?!!

Yeah, it’s kind of scary. I right now, am not those things. I have some serious baggage to unpack. Don’t worry, this isn’t one of those blogs where I throw myself a pity party and post creepy fake emotional pictures of myself.

This shit is real.

I’m dating myself because I eventually want to marry someone else.  If I were to meet the love of my life now, it’d be a disaster. I’d have to run home, put all my ‘stuff’ into trash bags and hope he doesn’t find them. I want to be who I want to be for real; not hypothetically. What people see is a hot mess, what people see get is an emotionally depleted girl who is dying for a date, drowning in her issues, and hoping people don’t rub her the wrong way because she just might burst into tears.

What I want is to be free..

 I know 60 days isn’t a long time. It took the Israelites 40 years in the desert to reach the Promised Land!   I chose 60 days because my friend is getting married in June and I hear the best man is tall and handsome*

*I cannot be held responsible for what happens after 60 days. 

Thanks for joining me on this journey. I am blessed to know you!

I am CareCare, Hear me Roar!

An old friend wanted to hang out....

"Ok sure, but I am not seeing Batman"

So we saw Spiderman and went to dinner.

While Spiderman is rescuing a child from car dangling off a bridge I thought to myself, "It would be cool to be a superhero."

And then with a swift kick of my seat from behind, I was brought back to reality.-- I am so out of shape, I have no superpowers, the good ones are taken, and I'm not a man.

Why did I want to be a superhero anyways? Probably so I could just jump out of bad situations or help people who needed it.

Feeling dejected, I turned on TV and of course Forrest Gump was on TBS. During the commercials I thought about mental illness, chocolate, Vietnam, running and shrimp. But when the feather started floating, I felt a bit like Jenny (the girl! not the boat)

"Dear God, make me a bird. So I could fly far away, far away from here."

Jenny was asking God to make her a superhero. Humans can't fly and we don't just turn into birds at random.

 Then I remembered how God takes people who are just normal and uses them to do amazing things...

I'm reading this book....

and I am filled with awe. These people were not disciples, these people were not homeboys with Jesus. These were people living like Jesus when the world told them not to. I don't know if they ate at Chick Fil-A or not, and it doesn't matter.  I don't know if they sponsor children in far off places, and it doesn't matter. I don't even know if they tithed, but it doesn't matter. These people were bad-ass. Yet, I bet if you asked them about it, they'd be a humble-bee.

At a time in my life when I am single, semi- unmotivated, sad with the world, jealous of my friends who seem to have it all together (relationships, jobs, independence) and pitiful, I find solace in the words of others-because I just can't find my own at this point.

He reigns, we fall short. He uses us to further his kingdom.

The End.

Shake It

It's a funny thing, the human hand. It  has the ability to operate most machinery, writing utensils, and weapons.

Interestingly enough, hands can also be a turn-on.

I have a friend who wouldn't mind dating an ogre, as long as he had nice hands. What does that mean? Big? Smooth? Scarred? Well Manicured?

For me, I value big hands, with just a touch of dryness. I mean, if a man has better hands than I do it could be a problem. I, as a nail biter who has dry skin, have an issue with men whom have nice hands...

It's like they're a better woman than me.

All that stuff aside, I just learned that hands are what get you jobs. Not hand jobs, but actual jobs; the jobs that the government takes from. I mean, would you really want to claim yourself as a handjobber on your tax forms? If you answered yes, I thank you for keepin' it classy.

In a mini-workshop I attended recently, the speaker said your handshake will win them. So I put on makeup and waxed my chin because why?

You ever met a really awesome, hot, manly man and he gave you a weenie handshake?
You ever met a girl who's shoes are too high, and she squeezes the living daylights out of your hand and you can feel each bone breaking?

You end up not liking these people very much and then you get scared. Is the woman a dominatrix? Is the man moonlighting as a drag queen? Either way, you're not going to hire them.

The right way to shake it....
- extend your sword hand- this tells the person you will not kill them if they extend their hand.
-squeeze, but not too hard.
-don't shake it. None of the side to side business, just a firm squeeze.
-and for the love of God, do not use your other hand. Sometimes for effect, we use the other hand to blanket the other.
---THIS IS FOR REALLY BAD OR REALLY GOOD situations only...which include but are not limited to the following.....

• someone just donated your struggling organization money.
• someone died.
• you are God.
• you are really happy to meet someone..and intend to wine and dine them in the future.
• you are really happy to meet someone..the normal kind.
• you can't for the life of you remember the person's name and it has something to do with options 1 through 4.

Just shake it......

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